Some women, after learning about doulas, what they do and the advantages to having them at a birth, think they sound great- at least for single mothers. You may be thinking "I have a partner, I don't need a doula, my partner will play that role at the birth." Or partners may be be thinking, "I don't want a doula taking my job away from me."

Many couples are reluctant to hire a doula because they have just those concerns. However, most partners to childbearing women who hire a doula turn out to be quite thankful she was present at the birth of their child, and there are several reasons why.

Considering the following might help you realize that a doula can be invaluable support for both the mother and her partner:

- the average labour is 18 hours, and the childbearing woman is constantly in need of comfort, support, and love during that time; a doula provides guilt-free breaks for a partner so s/he can be recharged and rejuvenated when the child comes into the world.

- on the other side of the spectrum, a doula can ensure that a partner has time to really be with the woman; a doula can get snacks, communicate with the nursing staff if the couple needs a moment alone, and provide tips and tricks for labour relief- because in the heat of the moment it's easy to forget what your prenatal classes taught you!

- a doula can greatly help a partner feel confident and helpful in the role of just that: partner. Many people expect the partner to be the "coach," and there is a lot of pressure to "lead" the labour. Some partners just don't feel ready for that responsibility, whereas others will miss out on just being with their labouring partner because they are her sole advocate and support. With a doula, the partner can feel confident that s/he can be involved to the extent that s/he is comfortable with, and not worry about letting the labouring woman down- the doula is always there.

- a doula is there to provide emotional support- not only for the mother, but for the partner too. She is there for you through the emotional roller coaster she knows you are also riding! Things can happen quickly at a birth, and a doula is there solely to be a support person for the couple throughout the labour. If an unexpected situation arises, the medical staff's attention will be on the mother and baby, not on explaining things to the partner. The doula can fill that role.

The most important thing is this: instead of expecting a doula to "take over your job" at your partner's birth, consider her an ally in the process, someone to explain, nurture, aid, and support you throughout this life-changing experience.

Doulas help partners too!